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Can Taylor Swift Boost Your Chinese Takeout’s Flavor?

Science glorifies Tay Tay as your Chinese food messiah. We decided to test it. #foodatheists

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Photo: Agyness’ leftover w/ Freud. We’re WTFreud about the absence of dumplings.

Donate your time to science today ya’ll! Charles Spence, an Oxford University experimental psychology professor, conducted a gastrophysics study comprised of 700 volunteers who paired their takeouts with six different genres of music. From his experiment, he found out that people’s palettes reached nirvana when munching Chinese takeout while listening to Taylor Swift. Our lovely news contributor/shittyiPhone5photographer, Agyness, temporarily converted to Judaism during Xmas by eating Chinese food and listening to TS. We decided to interview her despite her day off, so let’s all learn cus Britney did:

Staff: So what’s up with you eating Chinese on Xmas? You’re not even Jewish.

Agyness: It’s cheap and open. Am I going to get paid for this? Cus I need to upgrade my iPhone.

S: Tell us what was in your Chinese takeout.

A: Orange chicken, some veggies, you know, the usual. Maybe some egg rolls? Can’t remember. I had wine too.

S: So did you listen to Taylor Swift?

A: Yup.

S: Are you a big fan of Tay?

A: I’m a lazy listener. Meaning I do listen to her hits once in awhile but it’s not in my Morning Playlist, you know?

S: Do you normally listen to music while you eat?

A: Sometimes. But generally I watch YouTube videos of people falling off their Xmas trees to get my daily dose of schadenfreude.

S: What Tay’s songs did you listen? The study played “Blank Space.”

A: I listened to that, “Shake It Off” and “Style.”

S: So did you feel like your taste buds achieved a novel level of enlightenment as Tay and orange chicken met halfway via you?

A: That sounded weird. Uhhh, honestly no. Cus when I was eating, I wasn’t really paying attention to the background noise. I guess I was too focused on how amazeballs the food tasted.

S: But compared to other times that you’ve had Chinese, was this time better than others?

A: About the same. For me Taylor isn’t annoying enough to distract me from my meals. Maybe if there was Mariah Carey playing in the background, then yeah, I would get distracted.

S: Cus you like her?

A: The antithesis of that.

S: If you could choose between YouTube and Tay for your Chinese meals, what would it be?

A: YouTube definitely.

Based on our case study of Agyness, Chinese food is served best with schadenfreude à-la-YouTube.

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